Monthly Archives: March 2011

Жизнь во Сне

Я брел по серым переулкам Москвы, я шел туда, куда никогда не проникал ни один солнечный луч. Я был во мраке дня, и сердце билось в такт моих шагов. Я боялся повернуть за угол и никого там не встретить. Я ускорил шаг, и сердце стало биться сильнее. Там, за углом, меня должно было ждать лекарство. Лекарство, которое излечивало от всех недугов, избавляло от боли. Приняв его однажды, ты уже никогда ни в силах отказаться от него.  НИКОГДА. Осталось сделать всего один шаг. Но стоит ли его делать? Может пока еще не поздно: развернуться и пойти назад, на встречу солнцу и его лучам. Один шаг: вперед или назад? Я всегда шел только вперед и сейчас сделал этот шаг, но за углом никого не было. 13:00. Он должен был уже прийти. Вильям никогда не опаздывает. Я начал нервничать. В пачке оставалась последняя сигарета.  Я закурил. Дым сигарет всегда меня успокаивал. Да и к тому же, Вильям слишком умен, чтобы потерять своего постоянного клиента. Я познакомился  с ним на одной вечеринке, когда еще учился в университете. Это был очень обаятельный человек, который пользовался успехом среди друзей и внушал всем доверие. Вильям был очень расчетливым и очень умело играл судьбами людей, наблюдая за тем, как они рушатся, словно карточный домик от одного легкого дуновения ветерка. Но его глаза настолько сильно излучали доброту, что едва верилось, что он так холодно может наблюдать за тем, как ломаются чужие жизни.

Я ждал Вильяма, а в голове вертелось стихотворение Вильяма Блейка “Заблудившийся сын”:

"Отец, отец, куда же ты?
Зачем так торопиться?
Не слыша слова твоего,
Могу я заблудиться!"

Дитя измокло от росы,
В трясину оступилось;
Отца с ним нет - пропал и след,
Виденье растворилось..."


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Posted by on March 22, 2011 in Uncategorized


A person without name, without the past…

“An Autumn evening. It’s getting dark. Silence reigns. The easy autumn breeze blows, bringing with itself a cool and hardly perceptible smell of camomiles. It rustles, plays with the fallen leaves, turning them in the evening air. There are no clouds in the sky. Only glare of a decline shows all beauty of this bottomless, pure, far sky. The wide road to anywhere. Suddenly a man has appeared on it. The man from nowhere, without a name, without the past. As if he has arisen from air, or maybe that easy breeze which is so cheerfully and fervently plays with the fallen leaves has brought that person . Who is he? What is he doing here, one in the middle of the immense road leading to a dark, unknown distance? Who is he, this person without a name, without the past…”

–       A man without a name? A man from nowhere?  Who could compose this nonsense? In my mind, the name is something that everyone has and there it doesn’t matter if he is poor or rich, from the notable sort or from the usual family. – said Violetta with the smile on her face.

–       Oh, where have you found this fragment? – Jennifer, Violetta’s best friend, decided to specify this.

–       I don’t know who has written this. Yesterday when I was walking in the park the bright-blue scrap of paper attracted my attention. In addition, as you know I am the most curious person in the world, so I could not walk further without knowing more about this bit of paper.

–     Violetta, when you at last disaccustom to poke your nose into other people’s business! You know, this your curiosity sometime… All right, let’s drop it, but all the same it is very silly!

–     Ok, Jenny! Do you think that a piece of paper can change my life or cause me a trouble? It is only a paper and is nothing more!

–     Oh, notes of a madman! Violetta, I worry about you. You are my best friend, and I do not want something bad happen to you!

–     Jenny, what are you speaking about? Do you think that something bad can come about me? Where have you adopted such pessimistic notes? And if something bad happens with me – well what is done, is done to the better! It is experience, and experience is always useful! So do not worry about me! Anyway, it is very late, let’s finish our discussion and let’s go to sleep.

–      Yes, it is useless to argue with you, but all the same, you think about my words.

That cold autumn night Violetta could not fall asleep for a long time. “And even so, there is a deep secret sense in this note… ” That was the last idea with which Violetta had plunged into Morpheus empire.

Violetta was a very interesting person. She was very emotional, but at the same time the resolute girl. Violetta had fine taste. She always dressed non-standardly, and frequently made up her own garments. As a result of that it was always possible to notice her in the crowd of grey people of our city, who eternally haste and run to and thro. Violetta was quite an amorous girl. She loved all that surrounded her. She gave all people the smile, the pleasure, the heat. Jenn who was the best friend of Violetta was her absolute contrast. Jenn never loved to show her emotions to other people, she was a very serious person who analyzed everything: the actions, the words, the associates. It was impossible to see a droplet of sentimentality in Jenn. She was as cold as ice, and as acute as the all-seeing eye. Despite of such strong distinctions Jenn and Violetta were like sisters. They have got lot in common.They supplemented each other. They were like air and fire, which could not live without each other, but at the same time, can kill each other. Jenn came frequently to Violetta and felt herself at home after the long and complicated working day. But this time Jenn had stayed at Violetta’s house for such a long time, that she had to remain with her to spend the night. In the morning, Jenn woke up early, while Violetta was still fast asleep. She prepared a coffee for herself and made a pair of sandwiches. Without waiting for Violetta to awaken Jenn had breakfast in solitude and run for work.

Violetta luxuriated in a bed for a long time and did not want to go out from under the warm and cozy blanket but the beams of the sun, which started to filter through the curtains, did not allow her to sleep any more. Eventually she has woken up. Beside, on a pillow, there was a note: «My best friend, Sleep Beauty, who spends her time in a bed to the midday. Let’s see each other in the evening. Jenn»

–    Well again Jenn has woken up before me!

Violetta sat on a bed, tightened and smiled to the warm autumn sun. Today she had a day off and she did not know how to occupy herself for all day.

–       I wish Jenn returned from work soon! We could go to the cinema or have a nice little chat at some small restaurant, – Violetta was still sitting in a bed, dreaming.

In about five minutes she at last rose and directed to a bath. When she saw her reflection in a mirror Violetta smiled and thought that she is actually a very nice girl, the thought that cheered her up.

After breakfast, Violetta decided to read but it wasn’t much fun so she turned on the TV. However, at this time there was not anything interesting. Therefore, she lied on the sofa and looked up at the ceiling with blank eyes… She thought that the target was not as interesting as she assumed at first. All her friends were at work so none could accompany her; suddenly an abrupt sound of the phone ringing interrupted all her thoughts.

–       Yeah.

–       Hi, Vi! This is me, Jenn.

–       Oh hi, Jenn! I am happy to hear you! You know it is very boring to stay at home all day long! I’ve read, I’ve watched TV, and now I don’t know what to do! It is so…

–       Vi, I want to tell you that I am going to my friends this evening so I can’t keep your company…

–       But…

–       I’m really sorry, but I can’t do anything…

–       Oh… thanks for a good evening! Bye.

The long telephone beeps sounded… Violetta was very annoyed that Jennifer was so irresponsible. But Violetta wasn’t a person, who kept being upset for a long time and she didn’t want to lose this evening. She wasn’t going to be alone this evening. Violetta went to the mirror, looked at her reflection and thought that she was awfully beautiful. At first she put on a red short dress with V-neck. It emphasized all advantages of her figure. She couldn’t help but admire herself.

Suddenly she undressed and put on her usual jeans and a bright blue T-shirt. She made a bun of her hair and went out. She was very pleased with herself.

She walked along to the park listening to the sounds of the nature. Violetta looked at skies, which were grey. Suddenly a massive cold sprinkle dripped at her face. She shuddered. A strong gusty wind blew near her. The trees trembled. Abruptly a burly peal of thunder sounded. She looked at the sky and bright lightning sparkled into her eyes. A rain began… She was alone in this park…

An orange, like the sun, umbrella appeared above her head. A man emerged out of the blue… She looked at him… and fell in love at the first sight! She felt herself as if in a mysterious dream. She sank in his eyes, she felt as if she dropping in the abyss… A sweet voice returned her to the real life.

–       Miss, what are you doing here alone in such awful weather?

Violetta couldn’t say anything. She only smiled and looked at her savior. For an instant he plunged in Violetta’s warm radiant eyes. For an instant the time stopped. There was nothing. There wasn’t the rain, wasn’t the wind, wasn’t the thunder, wasn’t the lightning. There were only two loving hearts, which were beating at one pace. Suddenly a strong impulse of the wind broke her bun and the locks of her long beautiful hair flew in the air. It was a magic moment. The wind dispersed all clouds. The rain stopped. A rainbow appeared in the heavens. The man held Violetta’s hand in his.

–       How beautiful is everything! This is the best moment in my life! – Violetta whispered in a               trembling voice.

The stranger touched her lips with gentle arms and whispered back to her.

–     Please, don’t say anything. I wish this moment never stopped… Let’s go with me…Let’s be          together… Forever and ever…

They sat inside the black cabriolet and rushed away of the grey cold city. Violetta’s hair scattered in the wind. She was in a world of reveries. She didn’t realize anything. She only listened to her heart, to her feelings. A few minutes later they were on the top of the mountain from which they could see the whole city. He got out of the car, held her hand and stood at the edge of the cliff. The last patches of light from the sunset disappeared. The city wrapped up with darkness. Thousands of stars lit up in the sky.

–       I will forever be near you. I will be for you a reliable lee. We will be together forever and ever. Our love will be as strong as wind.   Our love will be eternal… I love you…Jenn… Will you stay with me forever?

–       Yes, I am in love with you, I knew that I would meet you – that note told it to me. I want to be with you…

–       Don’t say anything. Let’s see the beauty of the nature…

Jenn was so happy. They stayed together looking at the heaven with their own dreams. And no one will ever know their thoughts… Suddenly the lightning appeared in the heaven and illuminated them for a moment. Jenn saw his eyes and suddenly a suspicion emerged, something in her mind whispered that it was a deceit. At this moment he touched her ear with his lips and whispered:

–       I love you…

And Jenn’s disturbed feeling disappeared… But the weather was getting worse and worse… So they got into his car. He suggested going to the restaurant and she agreed. In the restaurant he received a call.

–       Yeah. That’s me. Err… Ok. I will be there in a few minutes. Yeah. Ok, see you later. Bye.

Jenn, my dear Jenn, I must go, but I will return. Will you wait for me here?

–       Oh, sure. I’ll wait for you.

He kissed her cheek and went away… no one knew how many hours passed by, but he didn’t return… Jenn was sitting alone thinking what could happen with her lover. She couldn’t realize that he left. An empty cup of tea stood in front of her. She looked at her reflection in the cup. Suddenly an unfamiliar voice returned her to the real life:

–       Miss, it is too late, we are closing.

Jennifer paid for her lonely dinner and went home. She was very upset. She didn’t realize how she came home, everything was like a dream. She opened the window and a gust of wind flew into her room, the sprinkles of the heavy rain made her face wet, but she didn’t pay attention at it. The rain cried together with her, the nature sobbed together with her … Suddenly a strong impulse of the wind broke heaps of yellowish leaves and rushed them into her room… Unexpectedly the bright-blue scrap of paper appeared in front of her. The piece of paper that she found in the park. She  took this paper. A massive tear fell down to the paper. She opened it and read:

“An Autumn evening. It’s getting dark. Silence reigns. The easy autumn breeze blows, bringing with itself a cool and hardly perceptible smell of camomiles. It rustles, plays with the fallen leaves, turning them in the evening air. There are no clouds in the sky. Only glare of a decline shows all beauty of this bottomless, pure, far sky. The wide road to anywhere. Suddenly a man has appeared on it. The man from nowhere, without a name, without the past. As if he has arisen from air, or maybe that easy breeze which is so cheerfully and fervently plays with the fallen leaves has brought that person . Who is he? What is he doing here, one in the middle of the immense road leading to a dark, unknown distance? Who is he, this person without a name, without the past…”

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Posted by on March 22, 2011 in Uncategorized


Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is one of the famous composers around the world. He had very short life but despite this fact he wrote many compositions in different genres. His symphonies, sonatas, concerts and etc. have big influence on listeners. When I listen to his compositions I have an impression of something bright! His compositions are full of love to life and to people. Mozart was really gifted from his childhood. His memory and absolute pitch amazed everyone! Shahtner, who was a friend of Mozart’s family, told people some facts about Mozart’s childhood. One day he came to their house. Mozart was sitting at the table. He was writing something in his music notebook. When his father asked him what he was doing, he told him that he was writing a concert for harpsichord. Firstly, Shahtner and his father thought that this was only prank. But when they looked attentively at Mozart’s music notebook, they understood that everything was written right. So when he was only 4 years old he wrote concert for harpsichord. Also Shahtner told that Mozart really loved violin because of her soft and brilliant sound. He told that Mozart had startling ear!

A.S.Pushkin wrote in his tragedy “Mozart and Salieri” words that very well characterized Mozart’s music. He wrote that his music was very deep! Pushkin also regarded him as genius. What’s more, P.I.Tchaikovsky in one of his diaries wrote that Mozart was the only composer whose music made him cry. He also wrote that he loved everything in Mozart. A.G.Rubinstein in his book “Music and its representatives” wrote that Mozart was sunlight in music. I completely agree with them because Mozart really was very gifted and talented person.

In conclusion, I want to say that I really admire his talent! His music is immortal and unfading! Mozart will live forever in people’s hearts!

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Posted by on March 8, 2011 in Uncategorized


Admiral (Russian: Адмиралъ) by Andrei Kravchuk



But if I’m still alive in spite of destiny, that’s only as your love and memory of you.

Anna Timireva




“The Admiral” is a historical Russian movie about life and love of Aleksandr Vasilevich Kolchak, who was a hero of the 20th century and played a great role in the February Revolution and Russian Civil War. It is a story of great and beautiful love that does not last long.

The most touching episode in the movie is the end of it. The audience sees Kolchak’s shooting and the episode of how the movie was made.  The director of the film, Andrey Kravchuk, made one movie inside another movie.

The episode begins with the picture of snow-covered field with the church in the center of the background and people in grey coats on the foreground but we cannot see their faces. This shot shows the emptiness. There are no trees, no stars in the sky. Everything is in a grey color.  There is a feeling of the hopelessness and even God cannot do anything to prevent so terrible events. The church is only a looker in the scene.

After that we see a three-shot. There are Kolchak, his friend and a man who controls the shooting but we do not see his face. Kolchak is in the military form. His friend is in the fur coat. And the third actor is in the sheepskin coat. Kolchak and his friend looks somewhere far. And their glance shows that they remember all events that have happened with them.  Perhaps, the whole life ran before their eyes.  There is an exhalation that is coming from their mouths. The cold is in the air. The cold is in the souls. But Kolchak’s heart burns with the love’s fire.   In the next shot we see the face of the man, who controls the shooting, in the medium close-up.  After that we see the reverse shot. There is a pain and sadness in Kolchak’s and his friend’s eyes. But the eyes of the third character do not show any sympathy to them.  Kolchak and his friend cross themselves, which shows that they do not lose faith in God.

Before the shooting we see the close-up of Kolchak’s face.  It is very hard to look in his eyes without sympathy, without a pain in heart.  And then they were shot.  But we do not see the faces of people who have killed them. We only see their backs.

After that the action turns to another place. We see the window with the bars, which shows us that it is a prison. There is a female coat on the wall that tells us that it is a woman’s ward.  There is a light that is coming through the window.  And the camera slowly moves from the window to the table following the direction of the light. There is a candle on the table but it does not fire. The love between Kolchak and Anna was like a fire of the candle. It burns so fast and goes out so suddenly. Also there is a book and some pictures on the tables, but unfortunately we cannot see what book it is and what is reflected on the photo. However, we can suggest that this book is a bible and on the pictures there are people who are close to the person in this ward.  After that camera moves to the person who is lying in the bed. And this person is Anna Timireva, Kolchak’s lover and love. We see only her face, which is in the moon light. There is a pain in her eyes. She closes her eyes. She feels that Kolchak is not alive…

After that the action turns to the previous scene. We see the ice-hole. But the shape of it looks very strange.  It has the cross form.  The man who controls the shooting begins to smoke. It shows that he is nervous and frustrated.  After that we see Kolchak and his friend lying on the snow in white clothes. There is a blood on the clothes. And we see that there are several bullet wounds. After that Kolchak was thrown into this ice-hole. He is going under the water in a slow motion. This scene is a reflection of the crucifixion. His body is in the moon light, the same light, which is on Anna’s face in the previous scene.

This scene links to the scene where Anna sleeps.  There is a dissolve of these two scenes which shows us parallel shots. Simultaneously with the shot where Kolchak goes under the water, Anna drops the medallion with her photo. Everything is showing in a deceleration motion.  This simultaneous fall of the medallion with Anna’s photo and Kolchak’s fall under the water shows that there is death not only of Kolchak but also Anna’s heart. He takes her love with him under the water.

After that everything turns into the dark. For a moment a black shot appears on the screen. Then we see several shots rapidly changing each other: black shot, white shot, legs of somebody and the medallion lying on the floor, old eyes and then somebody picks up the medallion from the floor.

The action moves from 1920 to the 1961 to the film studio. We see that everyone is in a hurry. But suddenly we see a close-up of someone’s eyes.  This is the eyes of an old woman, who does not look happy. Her eyes tell us more than the words do. There is a damp in her eyes. There is now brightness in her eyes. There is no shining in her eyes. In her old hands we see the same medallion which Anna drops in the ward almost 40 years ago. And then we understand that this old woman is Anna. She is looking at her photo and touches her image with the old wrinkled arm. This gesture shows the audience that this medallion reminds her the remote past and how strong she wants return to the past.

In the next scene we see the director of the film. He goes ahead, speaks with people, and gives assignments to the people. He is very busy and pompous. And then his eyes meet Anna’s eyes.  There is a damp in her eyes, but there is no sympathy in his eyes. It is just a work for him. He turns away from her. And then we again see Anna’s eyes. And in her eyes we see so strong pain; we see the loneliness in her eyes.  Nobody speaks to her, nobody understands her.  There is a bustle in the film studio and everyone concentrate on their work.

The next episode shows the shooting of the film. Everyone is in the ball room in beautiful dresses dancing waltz on the floor in the center of the dancing floor there is a producer with the speaking-trumpet in his hands.

After that on the foreground we see Anna’s back and on the background we see the ball room. She has the same haircut like in the past.  The camera goes around her face showing the whirling dancing couples. The next shot shows her eyes and the camera demonstrates what she sees. The dancing couples continue to dance. But in the next we see that Anna’s eyes turns down to the floor, which makes the audience to feel that she cannot look at them without pain in her soul. The camera shows that she looks at the legs of the dancing couples. And then her eyes stop at the producer. We see only her back, however we know that she looks at him, who comes toward her and shows her that she is the odd man out.

In another shot we see a waiter who looks at them and comes near dancing couples. There is a glass of wine on the tray in his arms. He is coming toward Anna. And in the next shot she turns away and breaks the glass of wine.

Then we see in a deceleration motion how this glass falls down to the floor and smashes to smithereens. And again we see the close-up of her eyes. She looks down at fragments of broken glass and at the drops of wine. And then she turns her eyes ahead and the camera shows us what she sees.

The next shot shows what is in front of her. There is a dim image of whirling dancing couples behind the splinters of the glass. The camera concentrates on one man behind the splinters and as splinters are slowly falling down, the image of the man becomes clearer. We see that it is Kolchak turning to the camera. He looks in Anna’s eyes and again we see the close-up of Anna’s eyes, but in this shot we see tears in her eyes. But these are tears of happiness.

Then camera moves to Kolchak who goes toward her against a background of dancing couples. And when he comes to her, he sees Anna but now there is a young Anna in front of him. She is in other clothes, but the haircut and eye-rings are the same. She is in the dress in which she was when she saw Kolchak for the first time in her life and Kolchak is in the full dress of the admiral. They see only each other. Their faces shines and they are full of happiness. Anna bows to Kolchak. And the audience can understand without words that Kolchak asks her to dance with him and she agrees.

In the next shot we see Kolchak’s best friend who is also in uniform and who is full of happiness. Then we see a conductor with his orchestra in the foreground and in the background there are dancing couples who are whirled in the waltz. There are lots of dancing couples but the focus is on Kolchak and Anna.

There is Anna’s husband in the next shot. He is looking at Anna and Kolchak. His face looks very kind and happy. He is not jealous his wife to Kolchak.

After that we again see in the decelerated motion how Anna dances with Kolchak.  But now another person looks at them. It is Kolchak’s wife. But she is also not jealous her husband to Anna. She smiles. There is a feeling that she is happy that people who so strong love each other are together.

There is a smile on all faces. Everyone is happy. And then camera again turns to Anna and Kolchak. It goes around them to show that they are whirling in the waltz. Anna and Kolchak looks into each other eyes. They are very happy. After that from the high-angle the camera shows the whirling of the dancing couples and Anna with Kolchak together dance in the center.

The end of the movie leaves a pain in the hearts of people who are watching it despite the fact that movie ends with the happiness on the characters’ faces. The movie ends with the captions which tell what has happened with all main characters of the film. And it tends the hearts of the audience to cry as if it was the story of their own life. These captions remind audience that the dance of Anna and Kolchak is only the dreams of the loving heart that will never come true.

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Posted by on March 8, 2011 in Uncategorized


“Bright Star”

Bright Star

Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art —
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like Nature’s patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth’s human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors —
No — yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow’d upon my fair love’s ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft swell and fall,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever — or else swoon to death.

John Keats

People who feel the life with the all the heart are burning down as fast as falling star goes to the earth. John Keats was the like a bright star whose shine was so bright that it extincts so fast. He died at age 25. But he is still alive in our hearts and souls. I have never heard about him but the movie “Bright Star” made by Jane Campion acquainted me with this great poet! Jane Campion gave him new life.

The main characters were played by Abbie Cornish (Fanny Brawne) and Ben Whishaw (Keats). The movie shows last 3 years of Keats’s life when he felt a big and pure love. However, the fortune wasn’t kind to him. He was poor and couldn’t marry with Fanny Brawne. But his love was much valuable to her rather than money and gold… Their love to each other was pure and strong. They spent several months in love. They felt happiness when they were together, felt sorrow when they were far away from each other. They lived full of feelings life. But the fortune sundered them forever. John Keats passed away. But he is still alive in his poems. We read it and feel his feelings and soul. There was a scene with the butterflies in the movie. Their life is very short. But is it necessary to live if you live only several days? Of course, yes. John Keats was like a butterfly. He felt feelings of a larva when it turns to a butterfly. People can live hundred years in the stage of larva or can live only 25 years but with the transformation to the butterfly. So what is better? How should we live our life? Should we be larvas or become beautiful butterflies? In my opinion, we should always listen to our heart and feelings. Life is too short to withhold from our feelings.

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Posted by on March 3, 2011 in Uncategorized